I am always trying to be a “better” person. This means I am always running up against areas where I feel I don’t measure up. Times when I feel that I have shown up short of my potential, when I could have said something better, done something better, behaved better overall. Spaces where I could have displayed more love, acted more kindly, been more patient.
While this determination to be the best possible version of myself is steeped in positive intention, it is also inherently fraught with the self-depricating sentiments of being “less than” or “not enough.” And the latter category can easily take center stage, especially at times when the areas that need improving really pile up – i.e. when I have too much work to do, when I’m not getting enough sleep, when I’m undernourished and when I have no time to do the things that bring me closer to the divine. These are the times I am less aware and more inclined to respond to various situations in manners that don’t align with my deepest values … or maybe even respond like a 5-year-old.
Upon examination, the solution seems simple: Find balance. Life becomes more manageable, the mind feels more spacious, and I can be present to what I’m saying, what I’m doing and who I’m being. This is fine, and entails making choices, which involves taking responsibility. I totally get it. In all reality, however, balance isn’t always that readily accessible for me … and I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m not alone.
We all try, right? We make the efforts to do the right things to maintain equilibrium. But life happens, and it’s messy. I understand that you Type-A-high-strung-take-on-too-much-super-organized-perfectionts are struggling with that concept right now, which is why I’m having to sort this out in writing to begin with.
If our individual journeys here on this earth are formed of circumstances that are inherently unpredictable, and we are constantly striving to be better in our responses to it – including dealing with other human beings who are equally as crazy as we are, who have stress, PMS, moodiness, doubts, fears, etc. – we have to acknowledge that none of this is static, or scientific, so there is no way to measure ourselves.
How effing liberating! We cannot be better. We can only be. And we practice that when we do yoga. In fact, that is yoga. To show up for the present moment requires acceptance of what is, an acceptance of who you are, an acceptance of your process … and inside that pure love … and where pure love exists, abundance exists.
Let your yoga mat be your mirror. Be open to the self-reflection, to your imperfection. Be curious during your learning and growing. Be forgiving and loving as you move through. You may start to notice that you stop taking things so seriously, and start to laugh at yourself and the world more.
We’re not the same exact way on our mats every day, and life off the mat isn’t any different. The next time you feel like you didn’t measure up, you might recall falling out of some crazy balance or challenge pose and chuckling a bit on the way down. You are enough, being exactly as you are.